Episode 13

The Ministry of Listening: Understanding Biblical Counseling and How to Support Your Pastor

In this episode of 'Small Town, Big God,' host Mikel Collins introduces Randy Southwick, a pastor dedicated to supporting other pastors through Solitude Place Ministries. Randy shares his and his wife Laurie's journey through personal and professional struggles, highlighting God's guidance in their lives. The conversation touches on the importance of community, mentorship, the unique challenges faced by pastors, and the critical need for pastoral support. Randy's story is a testament to faith, resilience, and the impact of dedicated mentorship and biblical counseling.

Solitude Place Website

Solitude Place Facebook

00:00 Introduction to Small Town, Big God

01:43 Meet Randy Southwick: Pastor for Pastors

03:17 Randy and Lori's Early Struggles

04:37 The Call to Ministry

08:53 Mentorship and Growth in College Park

12:59 Return to Phoenix and Further Challenges

17:39 The Birth of Solitude Place Ministries

18:42 Journey to North Carolina

27:10 A Leap of Faith: Moving and Trusting in God's Plan

28:30 Job Search and Divine Intervention

29:34 Founding Solitude Place Ministry

30:20 Understanding Biblical Counseling

34:24 The Role of a Pastor: Emotional Highs and Lows

37:28 The Importance of Active Listening

46:56 Supporting Your Pastor and Their Family

51:11 How You Can Help: Donations and Community Support

52:18 Final Thoughts on Community and Connection

Transcript
Mikel:

Welcome to Small Town, big God.

Mikel:

My name is Michael Collins, and I have another story for you showing

Mikel:

how God is at work right here in Rutherford County, North Carolina.

Mikel:

One of the first things that you'll notice if you go pretty much

Mikel:

anywhere in Rutherford County is the number of churches that we have.

Mikel:

In a lot of places, it seems like you could stand at the front door

Mikel:

of one church and hear the service from two or three others, and a lot

Mikel:

of churches means that we have a lot of pastors, which I think makes

Mikel:

today's episode especially relevant.

Mikel:

You're about to hear from a friend of mine named Randy Southwick.

Mikel:

Randy is what you might call a pastor for pastors.

Mikel:

He's somebody who seeks to minister to and support the pastors who

Mikel:

are constantly pouring into us.

Mikel:

In this episode, you're gonna hear some of Randy's story, some of the struggles

Mikel:

that he and his wife Lori went through, and how God used those struggles to

Mikel:

lead him into his current ministry.

Mikel:

We're gonna talk about why pastors need support and how you can

Mikel:

better support your local pastor.

Mikel:

When to know that we should be seeking counseling for ourselves

Mikel:

and why we might be hesitant to seek counseling when we need it.

Mikel:

And we're also gonna cover how we can get better at listening to our

Mikel:

friends when they're going through some tough times and providing some

Mikel:

counseling for the people that we love.

Mikel:

Before I ever met Randy, I had heard about

Mikel:

his reputation as a masterful biblical counselor, and since I've known him, he

Mikel:

has more than lived up to that reputation.

Mikel:

So sit back, relax, unless of course you're driving or exercising, then

Mikel:

just keep doing what you're doing.

Mikel:

But let's go ahead and meet Randy.

Randy:

My name is, Randy Southwick.

Randy:

I call myself Pastor slash Director of Solitude Place Ministries.

Randy:

My,

Randy:

day-today, duties are exactly those two things.

Randy:

Just giving direction to the ministry and then as a pastor to pastors, which

Randy:

we can talk about a little more later.

Randy:

one of the things that I do is come alongside missionaries

Randy:

and pastors as a pastoral role.

Randy:

Or counselor Or mentor

Randy:

I was born in, 1955 in, Buckeye, Arizona, and grew up there, most of my life.

Randy:

we had a couple of times where we moved away when Lori and I got married,

Randy:

but, living there the majority of the time, when I was a little kid,

Randy:

my parents moved to Colorado for a while, but that's, I love Arizona.

Randy:

Don't miss the heat, miss the friendships that we have there, but mm-hmm.

Randy:

But yeah, I was born there, in, in 55.

Randy:

Randy mentioned his wife, Lori, who I need to mention, is also

Randy:

an expert on biblical counseling.

Randy:

They'll often counsel couples together and they each have different strengths

Randy:

and weaknesses that compliment each other really well, and I think that part of the

Randy:

reason that they're so good at counseling together is probably because they've

Randy:

been in some rough spots themselves.

Randy:

No, I, uh, Lori and I, it is a funny story because Lori and I were

Randy:

coming up on 50 years of being married in June and we're pretty excited about it.

Randy:

when we got married we were 19 and 18 after we said I do on June 28th, we

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were like, why did we on June 29th?

Randy:

And we ran against a lot of obstacles.

Randy:

one thing marriage can do is reveal selfishness pretty quickly.

Randy:

both of us literally thought we had made the biggest mistake

Randy:

in our life getting married.

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Now you would think that when you're just first married,

Randy:

everything would be rosy and dandy.

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But, we thought, man, a lot of things have changed all of a sudden.

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And it wasn't until, a friend of mine invited us to church and

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said, Hey, why don't you join us?

Randy:

so we went to church and that's where we came to know the Lord.

Randy:

First myself and then later on, Lori.

Randy:

But, but the reality was, had it not been for Jesus, we probably wouldn't be married

Randy:

50

Randy:

years And, since we met the Lord at that time, it really did change everything.

Randy:

I felt the call into ministry relatively soon after Salvation.

Randy:

I started teaching children what we called Children's Church and

Randy:

began that as the first ministry.

Randy:

I knew nothing about the Bible.

Randy:

teaching kids for me.

Randy:

Was one of the best ways to learn the Bible.

Randy:

you had to prepare something every week, you know?

Randy:

And so I learned a lot doing what we called junior church,

Randy:

during the church service time.

Randy:

If you don't already know, I am the children's pastor for Element

Randy:

Church in Forest City, and I absolutely agree with Randy here.

Randy:

I don't know if there's any better way to really learn something than to take

Randy:

it and figure out how to teach it to children because you're never gonna

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be able to say something in a way that a 6-year-old can understand it if you

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don't completely understand it yourself.

Randy:

I feel called to do kids' ministry for the rest of my life, but as

Randy:

you can probably guess, that was not the case for Randy and Lori.

Randy:

Sometimes it can be hard to know if God is truly calling you into something

Randy:

or if it just seems like a good opportunity, but you know what helps

Randy:

with that when you and your spouse both feel the same calling at the same time.

Randy:

I.

Randy:

Lori and I went to a conference in California.

Randy:

We were talking about it, yesterday, and we don't remember who was speaking or

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any part of the message other than going

Randy:

up front in the church that the conference was being held in.

Randy:

we went outdoors for a moment and we both realized that God

Randy:

was calling us, uh, ministry.

Randy:

when you're married, your spouse comes with you, They may not have a title.

Randy:

but the reality is that we're one, we went into ministry, I felt the

Randy:

call to be a pastor and answered that call during that time period,

Randy:

I don't remember the exact date now.

Randy:

I know when I was ordained into ministry was January of 1978.

Randy:

We had moved to College Park, Georgia, after being invited there by

Randy:

a friend

Randy:

we were going to the same church in Phoenix.

Randy:

he and his wife were going to go back to a church.

Randy:

He told me to help the pastor who was gonna retire.

Randy:

and asked me if we'd be interested.

Randy:

I was in management working for a grocery store chain.

Randy:

I, worked at one of the stores and we had just bought a house

Randy:

and all these kinds of things.

Randy:

You beginning life, as a young couple.

Randy:

But I, I really sensed that we were supposed to go and so we just as

Randy:

the, Beverly Hillbillies, loaded up

Randy:

a

Randy:

We would go

Randy:

and so we packed up a U-Haul.

Randy:

We had no house.

Randy:

We had no job.

Randy:

the last thing that I would, Even think about giving

Randy:

counsel to somebody to just go.

Randy:

but for, but for us, we just knew and we encountered some

Randy:

things there that were difficult,

Randy:

when we first moved to College Park we were very excited.

Randy:

our friends had invited us there.

Randy:

He had basically said, Hey, the pastor's gonna retire one day.

Randy:

I'm gonna.

Randy:

Step into that role, and maybe you could do youth or kids or something like that.

Randy:

And so we're like, yeah, that sounds awesome.

Randy:

Well, it was only a couple of months after that that they moved,

Randy:

they

Randy:

moved from Georgia to Tennessee.

Randy:

So all of a sudden, Lori and I, we have Justin, our only

Randy:

son, but he had just been born.

Randy:

So we're, in Georgia, having just moved there with absolutely no friends.

Randy:

And I found a job at Winn-Dixie, the grocery store chain, and then

Randy:

continued working at the church.

Randy:

So that first step of going into ministry, but being misled.

Randy:

After packing up everything and moving across the country to do ministry

Randy:

with some friends, Randy and Lori find themselves alone in a new town.

Randy:

Not really sure what went wrong, but as always, God was able to use

Randy:

the less than ideal circumstances to bring about a lot of good.

Randy:

that ended up being one of the greatest times of growth for us because

Randy:

we met Millard and Mildred Cheek.

Randy:

He was the

Randy:

pastor and he was the most incredible man that I, I think he's one of the

Randy:

most incredible men that I've ever met.

Randy:

he loved the Lord and he loved people and he was always willing to help you grow.

Randy:

Mm-hmm.

Randy:

In Your faith.

Randy:

So that was awesome for us.

Randy:

A good mentor is one of the greatest things you could possibly find,

Randy:

and a lot of what you learn from a mentor is not what they say,

Randy:

but from how they live their life.

Randy:

Which is evident in the fact that when I asked Randy why Dr. Cheek was so

Randy:

impactful, he had this story to share.

Randy:

I had got to church at seven 30 in the morning to set up junior church.

Randy:

Mm-hmm.

Randy:

And I, I had set up the chairs and all that, and then I was coming down

Randy:

the stairs from the second level

Randy:

and

Randy:

I heard, I heard someone talking and, and I thought, who's here at seven 30?

Randy:

'cause church service didn't start till like 10 And I thought, what, who's here?

Randy:

So I go down the hallway and I realize it's coming from Dr. Cheek's office,

Randy:

and I hear it, so I, I realize it,

Randy:

Tim.

Randy:

Mm-hmm.

Randy:

So I thought, well, I'm

Randy:

I'm gonna go down and say hello.

Randy:

And as I'm walking there, I realize he's So here he is, seven 30 in the morning

Randy:

in his office, praying for the service.

Randy:

He doesn't know I'm there.

Randy:

And so as I'm walking down and I'm gonna go, I just want to say hello.

Randy:

I realize he's praying.

Randy:

It was like, it was like Jesus was in his office.

Randy:

Hmm.

Randy:

This intensity of prayer and relationship.

Randy:

And at one point in time I was thinking to myself, I think I just

Randy:

need to lay face down in this hallway.

Randy:

Mm.

Randy:

I mean there was that intimacy.

Randy:

And so that was something that as a young man I could see and experience mm-hmm.

Randy:

With

Randy:

him.

Randy:

And that, you know, there's countless wisdom times, but he, but he was a kind

Randy:

of person who had a relationship that was challenging to I still think if I opened

Randy:

the door, Jesus might've been sitting

Randy:

You know, That's what it

Randy:

felt like.

Randy:

I remember saying one time, Lord, when I,

Randy:

when I'm in my sixties, can I have that kind of in, in a young man's

Randy:

And, you know, God's given me that opportunity countless times.

Randy:

And so what a blessing it is.

Randy:

But I think a lot of times, uh, older pastors, especially

Randy:

maybe pastors who aren't

Randy:

actively in

Randy:

ministry positions or roles.

Randy:

We would say retired, though I don't think they're necessarily retired.

Randy:

Um, there's just not enough opportunities for to pour, they're

Randy:

kind of set off to the side.

Randy:

And there's, there's so there's a wealth of wisdom

Randy:

And it doesn't get used.

Randy:

Dr. Cheek undoubtedly had a huge influence on Randy and helped him

Randy:

realize the importance of relationship and mentorship specifically.

Randy:

But Randy and Lori's struggles were far from over.

Randy:

Randy got a call from his church back in Phoenix about coming back to

Randy:

take over the high school ministry.

Randy:

So they moved back to Phoenix.

Randy:

And it wasn't long before Randy shifted from doing high school

Randy:

ministry into pastoring a small church just north of Phoenix.

Randy:

I.

Randy:

I pastored a small church for a few years.

Randy:

I And that it, it just ended up, everything went wrong.

Randy:

We were young.

Randy:

We didn't know all that was involved

Randy:

in, you know, being a pastor and, and sometimes sheep can bite,

Randy:

What I've found over the years is that either the pastor is upset with the

Randy:

congregation or the congregation's upset with the pastor, and then

Randy:

there Becomes hard feelings towards one another, and eventually they go.

Randy:

we were pastoring this church and Lori was encountering some issues.

Randy:

I was encountering issues and, I'm like, Lord, I'm not sure

Randy:

this is what you called us to.

Randy:

And we stepped down.

Randy:

So it was another one of those painful.

Randy:

moments.

Randy:

Mm-hmm.

Randy:

and

Randy:

We understood what it was like to be misled and yet God's still leading.

Randy:

Mm-hmm.

Randy:

You know,

Randy:

that's that's the thing.

Randy:

I wouldn't want to give up anything that I took from those moments, but

Randy:

when we were going through 'em, I was like, this can't be the right thing.

Randy:

And so, so I really took on a heart of wanting to help ministers missionaries

Randy:

who have been hurt in ministry.

Randy:

I resigned from that church, came back down into Phoenix, and

Randy:

then worked for I. She Rock Foods Company, which was like 15 years.

Randy:

This is the 12th story that I've shared on this podcast.

Randy:

And in every story we see examples of how God has used the bad

Randy:

experiences of people's lives to help make them more like Jesus.

Randy:

There's a lot of comfort in the fact that we serve a God who can always

Randy:

bring good things out of the bad.

Randy:

We can never really see it when we're going through the bad times,

Randy:

but we can have faith that God is gonna bring good out of it,

Randy:

because that's what he always does.

Randy:

But I knew that I was called to be a pastor.

Randy:

I was still pastoring.

Randy:

I wasn't getting a paycheck from a church.

Randy:

But that doesn't want, really designates whether or not you're a pastor is

Randy:

where you get your paycheck from.

Randy:

It's, it's really the call.

Randy:

There was a trip I took, around 1995.

Randy:

I had been battling with this idea of, I know God has called me as a

Randy:

pastor, but I'm not, on a church staff.

Randy:

Somehow that was really ringing in my mind that I had to be there.

Randy:

a friend of mine, Kevin Case, has been a Bible translator for what was

Randy:

then new tribes, now it's Ethos 360.

Randy:

He's a Bible translator to the Tepa one Indians in Mexico.

Randy:

He had invited me to come down with him to see the work that they were doing,

Randy:

while I was down there, the Lord spoke to me through a devotional by Ken Geier

Randy:

called Intimate Moments with the Savior, it was about Peter and his just being

Randy:

put back in to serving the Lord, you know, after he had failed the Lord and

Randy:

turned, Jesus met him and called him back.

Randy:

there's a line in the book where Ken Guyer writes, I still believe

Randy:

you're the man for the job.

Randy:

When I read those words, we were in a missionary home on the border

Randy:

of El Paso and Mexico, and it was like God spoke those words to me.

Randy:

I still believe you're the man for the job.

Randy:

Mm-hmm.

Randy:

And so for me that was a life changing moment.

Randy:

And I remember saying to the Lord, if I ever have the opportunity to

Randy:

have a house like this where I was staying, to encourage a missionary

Randy:

or pastor to help them keep going, Lord, that would be awesome.

Randy:

It was like God put the check mark and said, okay.

Randy:

got that.

Randy:

and so the idea of Solitude Place was birthed outta that moment, though

Randy:

it wouldn't come into existence for another 15, 16, 17 years.

Randy:

But it was sort of planted in the back of my

Randy:

God still believed Randy was the man for the job, and when you're trusting God

Randy:

to guide your life and you're willing to go wherever he tells you to go, you

Randy:

might end up in some unexpected places.

Randy:

Randy ended up going back to college.

Randy:

I had gone back to college when I was 56 and the instructor had

Randy:

asked the question, if money wasn't the issue, what would you want to do?

Randy:

And, and so I answered the question in the paper form and said,

Randy:

I'd love to have a place where missionaries and pastors could come.

Randy:

And so we started the webpage And then God just began to open the doors.

Randy:

You never know when or how God is gonna fulfill his promises in your life.

Randy:

Randy had a website and the ability to radically trust God with his life,

Randy:

and thankfully, the Lord brought him right here to small town friendly.

Randy:

I had started coming out here.

Randy:

with a friend of mine he likes to Turkey hunt and we Turkey hunted together.

Randy:

And I fell in love with the beauty of North Carolina.

Randy:

I fell in love with the friendliness of the people.

Randy:

pre covid COI think changed a lot of different things.

Randy:

But pre

Randy:

CID you would walk down the streets here and everyone said hello to

Randy:

you.

Randy:

I wasn't used to that in Phoenix.

Randy:

but here it was like, Hey, what are you doing?

Randy:

and all of a sudden you're in a conversation with

Randy:

somebody you didn't know.

Randy:

So I fell

Randy:

in love with, everything that was out here.

Randy:

and I had shared with my friend, the desire of one day having a ministry

Randy:

where we could bring pastors and so

Randy:

on,

Randy:

my, birthday, he actually.

Randy:

One year said, you know, you probably won't ever start that

Randy:

thing if you don't have land.

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And

Randy:

So

Randy:

he gave us two and a quarter acres of land to one day,

Randy:

hopefully put something on there.

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It didn't end up being used for that.

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We used it to purchase, what we have now, the ministry that home that we use.

Randy:

And that solitude place gives the privilege of using, them.

Randy:

'cause the ministry doesn't own any homes, but people who have like secondary

Randy:

homes or maybe they have an apartment

Randy:

Something they allow the ministry to use them.

Randy:

Lori and I, own the house, but we allow solitude place to bring people

Randy:

for respite,

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et cetera.

Randy:

We were coming out here.

Randy:

my daughter-in-law came out and my wife Lauren, the three of us were here.

Randy:

was in October of like 2013.

Randy:

We came out, we were visiting one of the local churches here had

Randy:

a big fair, for kids to come and ride rides and everything was free.

Randy:

so we had gone to dinner and we said, Hey, let's just swing by

Randy:

and see what that church is doing.

Randy:

we went by the event, and there were a lot of people I was standing in a grassy

Randy:

area overlooking all of the rides and the face painting booth I was thinking,

Randy:

Lord, there's no way I could move here.

Randy:

I love it here.

Randy:

I would, love to do ministry.

Randy:

we had been given that land and so I was just trying to pursue God in it.

Randy:

And this fellow came up, he was in overalls and.

Randy:

He just said to me, he said, Hey, I'm so and so and to, and then said,

Randy:

and I introduced myself and he's, I said, do you go to church here?

Randy:

He said, yeah.

Randy:

I said, this is cool.

Randy:

Tell me about it.

Randy:

So he told me how the church had an outreach and people would email

Randy:

saying, thank you for allowing my kids to ride the rides.

Randy:

We couldn't have afforded to do it without you.

Randy:

And, you know, it was a cool story.

Randy:

then he started talking about the church building and how God miraculously showed

Randy:

up financially blessing them over and over And they ended up, building the

Randy:

building and having money left over.

Randy:

it was quite a story.

Randy:

And then he looks at me, he doesn't know anything about me,

Randy:

and he said, you know, Randy, if God's in it, money's not an issue.

Randy:

because I was thinking.

Randy:

I can't afford to live here.

Randy:

how do I move and come

Randy:

here?

Randy:

You And then, I walked just a few steps and, when I was standing

Randy:

there looking out, I was like, Lord, how can I move here?

Randy:

I don't have money.

Randy:

I don't have the finances to do that.

Randy:

And I don't have a job.

Randy:

It Sounds sort of like when we moved to College Park,

Randy:

Georgia.

Randy:

in our Early

Randy:

years.

Randy:

And sometimes I wonder if that trip to College Park was really

Randy:

about the trip this time.

Randy:

And so anyway, I, I'm sitting there and I see some tables set up I walk

Randy:

over and there's a girl behind a table.

Randy:

they had little things.

Randy:

that were advertising as well.

Randy:

I look over and I said, It's rather quiet.

Randy:

Ats your place.

Randy:

It's like the kiss of death over here.

Randy:

she looks kind of stunned and, and laughs and she points up and

Randy:

there's a sign that I had not seen, but it was a hospice table giving

Randy:

out information and, and, Oh And I said, I remember telling her,

Randy:

you know what, 'cause I had often thought about being a hospice pastor.

Randy:

I go, well, you know what?

Randy:

I think maybe I would like to do that sometime.

Randy:

And she goes, well, we, we have a job opening.

Randy:

Why don't you put in for the job opening?

Randy:

And I'm like, I don't think God certainly can't be moving this quick.

Randy:

and and so we realized, my daughter-in-law was encouraging me, you know, dad, there's

Randy:

a lot of stuff going on that God's showing

Randy:

you.

Randy:

So that was in October, 2013.

Randy:

Then my, my, um, father passed away in February of 2014.

Randy:

So I flew up to Wyoming to tried to see him before he

Randy:

passed, but I, I made it there.

Randy:

But he had, he had passed before I could get down to see them.

Randy:

Anyway, I went down and I was staying with my stepmom and.

Randy:

They had a bed for him, like a hospital bed.

Randy:

And then she had her room and, and I said, Hey, I'll sleep on the hospital bed.

Randy:

I said, I, I don't have any memories associated with that here.

Randy:

'cause I didn't see him there, et cetera.

Randy:

And so I, I slept in, in his, he had a, a room that he would

Randy:

use when he was sick there.

Randy:

So anyway, I go down there and and I look up on this, uh, dresser and there's

Randy:

a box and it says Lily sewing threads.

Randy:

And I thought, well, I've never seen that box before.

Randy:

Come to find out he had tripped on it before.

Randy:

And so they moved it

Randy:

up.

Randy:

Mm-hmm.

Randy:

Well, on the side of the box of lily sewing threads, it

Randy:

said Shelby North Carolina.

Randy:

And I was thinking, Shelby, North Carolina, now what are the odds of

Randy:

being in my dad's bedroom, right?

Randy:

Mm-hmm.

Randy:

With a

Randy:

box from Shelby, North Carolina when I had just been

Randy:

Shelby, North Carolina.

Randy:

Mm-hmm.

Randy:

Well, I, I go in and I ask my stepmom, I said, can you

Randy:

tell me about that box there?

Randy:

And she said, you know, that's kind of, that's a funny one

Randy:

because your dad, let's see.

Randy:

He, he ended up getting that box and a stove that he gave to the church.

Randy:

And I thought, well, that's, that's kind of weird.

Randy:

I said, well, when did that happen?

Randy:

He said, well, that was in 1983.

Randy:

Well, that was the same year that I stepped down from

Randy:

that pastoring that church.

Randy:

And so the Lord was putting together these things for me that.

Randy:

When I was going through one of the hardest times of my life,

Randy:

my, my dad was getting something that was going to speak to me.

Randy:

So many years later.

Randy:

Mm. And

Randy:

so what happens?

Randy:

Um, I, I said to my stepmom, what do you think of that?

Randy:

And She said, well, it's pretty clear that God's using your dad to speak to you.

Randy:

And she says, why is, why is, why are you interested in that?

Randy:

I said, because Shelby, North Carolina is not very far from where I

Randy:

was in North Carolina, and that's where God's calling us.

Randy:

And, and so anyway, we just began the process of Solitude Place

Randy:

Ministry is just gonna come about.

Randy:

We just don't know when.

Randy:

Mm-hmm.

Randy:

And it would be in December of 2014 that we would actually move here.

Randy:

, when we moved here, we had no house.

Randy:

We

Randy:

had no job.

Randy:

Same thing.

Randy:

I would never give that council to anybody I don't think.

Randy:

to do that, but.

Randy:

and It's a little harder, I think when you're in your fifties than

Randy:

it is when you're in your twenties.

Randy:

You know, because you think, well, okay.

Randy:

Recovery time.

Randy:

and But, but yeah, that, that, for us, that was an awesome

Randy:

Experience is a a step of faith.

mike:

So, here, where did you stay when you got out here

mike:

then?

Randy:

Well,

Randy:

the, the, my buddy that I was Turkey hunting with, he had a house here.

Randy:

And so he let us stay there for three months Until we could find a house.

Randy:

You never know what God is gonna call you to when you're following him.

Randy:

Sometimes it's scary and it might not make sense in the moment, but God promises us

Randy:

that if we trust him more than our own understanding, he'll take care of us.

Randy:

So often we are held back because we just don't see a way for something to happen.

Randy:

Usually that means financially.

Randy:

Our world today is so focused on money that we think the first step to

Randy:

doing anything is to get enough money to pay for it without too much risk.

Randy:

Right?

Randy:

But God doesn't need money.

Randy:

Sometimes he'll provide financially for something, but there are plenty

Randy:

of other times when he provides in ways that don't involve money at all.

Randy:

I. Like the man in the overalls said to Randy in 2013.

Randy:

you know, Randy, if God's in it, money's not an issue.

Randy:

God does not call us to get results.

Randy:

He calls us to be obedient to his guidance and trust him with the results.

Randy:

We just have to seek first his kingdom and then he will take care of the rest.

Randy:

I.

Randy:

And it was funny because, um, I started looking for a job

Randy:

right away and it was hard to get, like, even face-to-face interviews.

Randy:

You had to go through all these phone interviews, et cetera.

Randy:

Finally got one that I was gonna get a face-to-face interview I. because

Randy:

it was more of a management role.

Randy:

And so I, so I get it and then I'm excited and I hang up and

Randy:

it's like the Lord is like.

Randy:

no, That's not what I called you to do.

Randy:

I didn't bring you out here to work for this company.

Randy:

How are you gonna minister to pastors, you know, in the middle of the night or in the

Randy:

middle of the day if you're working a job.

Randy:

And I was like, well, that's fine Lord, but you know, how am I going to eat?

Randy:

And that, those kinds of things.

Randy:

And, and, uh, he said, I'm gonna, I'm gonna provide for the ministry.

Randy:

Let me do that.

Randy:

I called Lori and I said, Hey, I need to tell you something.

Randy:

And she said, I need to tell you something.

Randy:

I said, what?

Randy:

And She said, God said, don't take that job.

Randy:

And I'm like, oh man, he told you.

Randy:

Yeah.

Randy:

And uh, so, so we didn't take that job and we just ended up, we went

Randy:

back to Phoenix and raise support.

Randy:

And we've just had some faithful people who have supported the

Randy:

ministry for 10 years now.

Randy:

and have just been, faithful and to.

Randy:

To come alongside Solitude Place ministry.

Randy:

And so the part that Lori and I have in that too is we do a lot of the counseling

Randy:

for them or encouraging, or we'll send pastors and their wives away for a

Randy:

few days of respite if, if that's what

Randy:

it's, it really is an amazing thing when you sit back and see

Randy:

all that God did to get us here.

Randy:

Yeah.

Randy:

Randy and Lori have been in Rutherford County for 10 years now,

Randy:

counseling pastors and couples, and plenty of other people too.

Randy:

But what exactly is counseling?

Randy:

Are we talking about therapy?

Randy:

Is that something different?

Randy:

Well, I didn't really know, so I asked Randy.

Randy:

Yeah.

Randy:

I, you know, when I think of counseling and, and therapy, you know, I do when,

Randy:

especially when it comes to pastors, I kind of look at it as mentoring them.

Randy:

And, you know, what's fun about talking with pastors who

Randy:

are in difficult situations?

Randy:

No.

Randy:

Pastors lose children, pastors, face divorce, um, pastors, they, they encounter

Randy:

trials just like anyone else does.

Randy:

But their, their position presents some different issues for them.

Randy:

that maybe They

Randy:

haven't thought about.

Randy:

But what's fun for me is when I go into a, into a situation where I am ministering

Randy:

to a pastor and they're basically talking and telling me their, their life history,

Randy:

whatever, and they're telling the problem and then they begin to counsel themselves.

Randy:

You know, you sit back and listen to 'em and they begin counseling

Randy:

themselves because they know the truth.

Randy:

They just need to apply it.

Randy:

And the majority of the time, they will end up saying, man, thanks so much.

Randy:

You know, and I'm like, I really didn't say anything.

Randy:

So it was the easy part.

Randy:

But then there are other times where they're just really facing

Randy:

something that is beyond, maybe they're even just their comprehension.

Randy:

They weren't expecting it.

Randy:

It took, it took them, um, out, you know, like coming outta left field.

Randy:

They just were not ready.

Randy:

For what they were

Randy:

facing.

Randy:

I wanna pause and clarify a little further what exactly Randy's role is, just to

Randy:

make sure that we're all on the same page.

Randy:

Randy's a biblical counselor.

Randy:

He's not a clinical psychologist, therapist, or state licensed counselor.

Randy:

The work that he's doing is ministry, not healthcare.

Randy:

But that means that he's free to apply scripture and biblical principles

Randy:

in his counseling sessions because it's not considered a medical

Randy:

practice like a therapist might have.

Randy:

And while Randy does this sort of ministry work full-time, he

Randy:

also encourages all of us to be ministering to others in the same way.

Randy:

When I think about our lives, all of us, whether we're.

Randy:

Pastors or not, we should have, we should have a Paul in our

Randy:

life, someone who is stronger than

Randy:

us.

Randy:

You know,

Randy:

who knows the word, maybe a little better.

Randy:

The guys who can speak out of wisdom and direction and time.

Randy:

We need to, we need to have a Barnabas in our life who is an encourager to us.

Randy:

When you're around them, they, they prod you on.

Randy:

And then we need to have a Timothy that, you know, Paul

Randy:

took Timothy on trained him.

Randy:

somebody you're pouring your life into because one day you're gonna be gone

Randy:

and you want to give away that which you been given to the next generation.

Randy:

Yeah.

Randy:

So that's kind of how I see the counseling, mentoring

Randy:

We often make the mistake of thinking that it's just our pastor who is responsible

Randy:

for making disciples and training and encouraging them as they walk with Christ.

Randy:

At some point in our culture, we seem to have lost our identity

Randy:

as teachers of the word.

Randy:

I think that partly because we can feel like we either have to be a mentor

Randy:

or a mentee, but we can't be both.

Randy:

Like we either go into the category of disciple maker or disciple, but the

Randy:

truth is, like Randy was saying, we should always seek to be a teacher and

Randy:

a student and an encourager because when we try to just be a student

Randy:

and put all of the teaching and encouraging on our pastor, it's not

Randy:

good or healthy for anybody involved.

Randy:

A lot of times the perception of the pastor is he's got the easiest job.

Randy:

because he only teaches one or two hours a week.

Randy:

Or if he's a, you know, a small Baptist church, maybe Sunday

Randy:

night and Wednesday night too.

Randy:

But the, but the reality is the pastor's going through a lot

Randy:

more than, than meets the eye.

Randy:

Mm-hmm.

Randy:

You

Randy:

know, for me, I, I think of it this way.

Randy:

I feel like I have lived a thousand lives emotionally because I've

Randy:

been at the bedside of somebody who is going to be with Jesus.

Randy:

I remember as a young pastor in my early twenties, being at the, being at the

Randy:

bedside of a saint who was 98 years old, and I had never seen anyone pass away.

Randy:

Uh, and here I am in my early twenties as a pastor, experiencing this moment, and it

Randy:

was, it was an incredible moment indeed.

Randy:

But the reality was, wow, what did I just experience?

Randy:

The only experience that I had.

Randy:

I remember going to my stepdad's funeral when I was eight, but

Randy:

I don't remember much about it.

Randy:

And then I think of the times that I've been to the hospital where a

Randy:

child's been born, but only lives days.

Randy:

Mm-hmm.

Randy:

Um, I, I can think of times when I've been able to perform a wedding and see the, the

Randy:

beauty and the celebration of a wedding.

Randy:

And so you, so you have all of these emotional ups and downs.

Randy:

And then when you're, when you are counseling, there is a part of us

Randy:

that carries some of that weight with And so it's, it's not easy

Randy:

for a pastor to in one day could theoretically perform a funeral.

Randy:

Go to the hospital and see a birth, you know, all these kinds of things

Randy:

and the up and down, and then come home to some, a family member who's

Randy:

struggling and, and him having to maybe discipline the children or whatever.

Randy:

Mm-hmm.

Randy:

And

Randy:

so all of his face trials like that.

Randy:

But I think as a pastor, we sometimes, uh, take on those emotional things , more so,

Randy:

, because we know the people, especially if they're in your congregation, maybe you've

Randy:

been dear friends with them, et cetera.

Randy:

So I, I think from, from that aspect, then there's the side of a pastor who maybe

Randy:

feels like he has to perform or do, you know, live up to everyone's expectations.

Randy:

Rather than walking in the truth of, you know, who they are in Christ.

Randy:

Mm-hmm.

Randy:

Even pastors can fall.

Randy:

pray to

Randy:

So I know you might be thinking, well, okay, I wanna help out.

Randy:

I want to be an encourager and a teacher, but I'm not very good at it.

Randy:

I just don't know what to say.

Randy:

And you know, that's a valid argument.

Randy:

It is not easy to counsel somebody, but it is something you can learn how to do.

Randy:

And the good news is that if you approach it with humility and a

Randy:

genuine desire to help and you're not trying to just show how wise you are,

Randy:

then you're not gonna mess it up.

Randy:

Because it's not about knowing the right thing to say all the time.

Randy:

It's about being ready and willing to listen.

Randy:

Listening to somebody is, is an art.

Randy:

Being a good listener is so important because all of us need somebody

Randy:

who could listen to our story.

Randy:

you know?

Randy:

And a lot of times in marriages, it's funny when I think about marriage, when we

Randy:

get into an argument with our spouse and,

Randy:

and

Randy:

uh, maybe somebody out there thinks pastors don't argue with their spouses,

Randy:

but I'm gonna tell you they do.

Randy:

I've got personal experience in that.

Randy:

And, uh, but a lot of times when we are having an argument or

Randy:

disagreement or whatever it is, I'm not a very good listener all the time.

Randy:

Mm-hmm.

Randy:

Because unfortunately what happens is we try to prove our point.

Randy:

We become lawyers in the courtroom and we're trying to prove our

Randy:

issue, and we're not really here in the other A good listener

Randy:

A conversation like that listens so that they get feedback to the person

Randy:

what they're hearing so that there's

Randy:

understanding.

Randy:

Mm-hmm.

Randy:

And.

Randy:

So being a good listener is really, really important.

Randy:

It's hard to sometimes not be distracted by things, maybe your own problems

Randy:

or something going on around you, but being able to feed back to that person

Randy:

what you're hearing them go through and come alongside of 'em and just really,

Randy:

I think many times it's just praying for them or praying can be so powerful.

Randy:

Mm-hmm.

Randy:

I

Randy:

remember going to a conference one time and they were talking about

Randy:

praying for people and I was thinking, well, to pray for someone, you

Randy:

have to, gotta, you gotta listen.

Randy:

Right?

Randy:

So we were walking back to our cars a, a after this event, and I, this gentleman

Randy:

was walking by and he said, Hey, my name's so-and-so, and he said, uh, I,

Randy:

he told me his name and, and I said, I noticed you have a, a limp , in your step.

Randy:

Did you injure yourself recently or whatever, and he said, no,

Randy:

it was, it was something that happened to him in the military.

Randy:

And I a

Randy:

began asking him a few questions and him telling me his story and then saying, can

Randy:

I, could I just pray for you right now?

Randy:

And, and he looked at me and he said, yeah.

Randy:

And so I prayed and I used his first name many times.

Randy:

and I think sometimes that's to help remind me who I'm praying for.

Randy:

And maybe down the road I can remember them specifically as well.

Randy:

But I remember saying his name and he said to me this, he said, wow.

Randy:

He said, I don't think I can ever remember anybody praying

Randy:

my name And I thought, wow.

Randy:

You know, so listening, what?

Randy:

he, Sometimes it's just the name of a

Randy:

person.

Randy:

Mm-hmm.

Randy:

I remember being, we have a little restaurant here, you know,

Randy:

Smith's Diner, and we go there.

Randy:

uh, For Smith's drug, I guess it is.

Randy:

We go there and we'll have a, a meal, a breakfast, uh, a group of guys.

Randy:

But one of the things that I'd love to do wherever a meeting is

Randy:

to ask the waitress or let it say, Hey, we're gonna pray in a minute.

Randy:

Is there something I could pray for you for?

Randy:

Mm-hmm.

Randy:

And, and you know, a lot of times you get the typical answer, I'm no, I'm good.

Randy:

Not around here.

Randy:

You don't get that.

Randy:

Too

Randy:

often

Randy:

Mm-hmm.

Randy:

And most of the time people are like, yeah, you could pray for me.

Randy:

But, but the reality is, I remember Lori and I were at a restaurant, a

Randy:

local restaurant, a different one, and we asked that question and the waitress

Randy:

just broke in tears and began weeping.

Randy:

She was going through a, a,

Randy:

horrendous issue and, and no one knew about it.

Randy:

just by asking the question, and listening to what's going on,

Randy:

it can have such an impact.

Randy:

So it's the same way whether in counseling.

Randy:

It's not always what we say.

Randy:

It's, it's listening to the person tell their story and validating

Randy:

what their, the, maybe the emotions that they're feeling.

Randy:

If you want to be somebody who can help others get through hard times,

Randy:

you have to practice active listening, which means you're not thinking

Randy:

about what you are gonna say next.

Randy:

Instead, you're trying to understand how the other person is feeling and

Randy:

what life is like for them right now, because that's what people need.

Randy:

But what about you?

Randy:

Do the people who are good at listening ever need to be heard?

Randy:

Needing to have your story heard is not a weakness or an indication that

Randy:

there's something wrong with you as a person or with your marriage.

Randy:

It's a universal truth.

Randy:

It's a universal truth that applies to everyone.

Randy:

We all need to be heard.

Randy:

That's how God designed us, and it's that need to be heard, which

Randy:

helps us form tight knit communities and relationships with each other.

Randy:

When we're facing a difficult season in our life or in our marriage, it

Randy:

becomes even more necessary that we have somebody who's gonna listen to our story.

Randy:

And to bring all of this back to what we were talking about earlier,

Randy:

this applies to your pastor just as much as it applies to you.

Randy:

Lori and I were 20 years into our marriage.

Randy:

I was pastoring at the church in Phoenix and we hit a, a bump in

Randy:

our marriage at that point in time.

Randy:

And I remember, and Lori was a counselor at the time, and, and I'm

Randy:

a pastor and we're 20 years in, you think everything was going well, but

Randy:

we, but we did, we had a hard spot.

Randy:

But here's what we knew.

Randy:

We needed to ask for help.

Randy:

And so we, we got help and we let somebody help us walk through.

Randy:

And that was, you know, that was, uh, 27 almost.

Randy:

No, it was 29 years

Randy:

ago, Roughly, you know, for, for that to happen.

Randy:

It was kind of an amazing thing.

Randy:

So knowing you need your story heard so that you can get help

mike:

What do, what are some things that would keep somebody from seeking

mike:

help you think when they should?

mike:

I.

mike:

Should be go looking for it.

Randy:

You know, I think, uh, probably a couple things that come to mind.

Randy:

One could be pride.

Randy:

You

Randy:

know, we don't wanna have to admit that we need help.

Randy:

And the reality is, is we can be like, I, it's not my problem.

Randy:

It's, it's her problem.

Randy:

Um, you know, it, she needs to get help.

Randy:

I don't need help.

Randy:

You know?

Randy:

Mm-hmm.

Randy:

Instead of saying

Randy:

we could use some help.

Randy:

, or thinking that it will, pass over,

Randy:

you know?

Randy:

we'll get Through

Randy:

this.

Randy:

But I'll tell you honestly, one that comes up in, especially in marriage

Randy:

counseling, is the guy is oblivious to the fact that there's even a problem.

Randy:

In his

Randy:

marriage.

Randy:

he's just not paying attention.

Randy:

And so his wife.

Randy:

Is wanting help.

Randy:

He's unaware of the need for help.

Randy:

And so for her it's, it becomes difficult.

Randy:

So if your wife comes to you and say, says, can we talk to somebody

Randy:

and get some help, it's probably a good clue if you're, if you're the

Randy:

husband to say, man, I'm missing

Randy:

And say, yes, we can.

Randy:

Let's, let's do whatever we gotta do to work through the issue.

Randy:

So I think

Randy:

it can be just not being aware, uh, you know, or it can be the fact that

Randy:

my pride prevents me from wanting

Randy:

help,

Randy:

Needing to have your story heard is not a weakness or an indication that

Randy:

there's something wrong with you as a person or with your marriage.

Randy:

It's a universal truth that applies to everyone.

Randy:

We all need to be heard.

Randy:

That's how God designed us, and it's that need to be heard, which

Randy:

helps us form tight knit communities and relationships with each other.

Randy:

When we're facing a difficult season in our life or in our marriage, it

Randy:

becomes even more necessary that we have somebody who's gonna listen to our story.

Randy:

And to bring all of this back to what we were talking about earlier,

Randy:

this applies to your pastor just as much as it applies to you

mike:

How can people

mike:

, better support their pastors at their church

Randy:

Sure.

Randy:

I, the, so first of all, I think, you know, an encouraging word goes a long way.

Randy:

Mm-hmm.

Randy:

Uh, when the pastor meets you at the door, you know, a lot of times we might

Randy:

say, Hey, great message, great sermon.

Randy:

But I think sometimes just sharing with them something that God spoke to

Randy:

you.

Randy:

you.

Randy:

know, don't make up stories, but if God speaks to you, letting him know.

Randy:

But I think one of the things that churches could do is their boards could

Randy:

be more aware of the need of sabbatical

Randy:

for their

Randy:

pastors or for their staff, you know, like.

Randy:

And you could choose the number of years, but let's say every seven

Randy:

years they get a month sabbatical.

Randy:

Mm-hmm.

Randy:

And You,

Randy:

you know, you could help define what that looks like.

Randy:

Um, having some time, and, and this is usually where people who are in

Randy:

the common workforce outside this go, well, I don't get a month off,

Randy:

you know, to, for a sabbatical.

Randy:

Mm-hmm.

Randy:

But

Randy:

this is where I think unless you're a pastor, you don't really know what

Randy:

it feels like to be a pastor and, and you want your pastor to be in a

Randy:

healthy place because he is spiritually encouraging, uh, the whole congregation.

Randy:

He's, He

Randy:

has the responsibility as a shepherd for, for you know, sometimes at Solitude Place

Randy:

I'll hear of a pastor and his wife who just need, they just need some time away.

Randy:

And so our ministry will pay for a couple of nights, stay somewhere,

Randy:

three days, two night, to where they can just enjoy each other's company

Randy:

And spend some time

Randy:

with the Lord.

Randy:

Other times they need intensive counseling.

Randy:

Like, we'll have couples who are facing a tragedy or facing, divorce.

Randy:

Uh, they, they, they, they're not, Yeah, they're not united.

Randy:

And so they'll come and they'll stay with us for a week, and we might meet

Randy:

with them two or three times a day.

Randy:

To help them get through whatever it is that they're going

Randy:

through.

Randy:

Mm-hmm.

Randy:

So

Randy:

whether it's just time away or whether it's intensive counseling or the.

Randy:

Honestly, the majority of our counseling is gonna be online.

Randy:

'cause pastors live in other locations or missionaries.

Randy:

Or hear of a need.

Randy:

Like I had a, a, a person call and say, Hey, I. there's a guy in Jordan who needs

Randy:

time away and can the ministry help?

Randy:

So we ended up, you know, sending them on some time to get

Randy:

some counsel him specifically.

Randy:

'cause we didn't speak the same language.

Randy:

And then there was another pastor in Uganda, we sent him and his wife away.

Randy:

They hadn't taken any time to themselves for like 20 years of ministry.

Randy:

They, They, they,

Randy:

you know,

Randy:

'cause you just don't do those kinds of things.

Randy:

Mm-hmm.

Randy:

So, so we have the opportunity to, to give people, uh, breaks.

Randy:

And so it can look at a lot of different ways as far as, um,

Randy:

What

Randy:

that looks like.

Randy:

But I, I think churches need to do a better job.

Randy:

of Checking in

Randy:

you know, On, on the pastor and see how he's mentally wives that, you

Randy:

know, we need, our wives are such a barometer and, and they're a good one.

Randy:

And we need to be listening.

Randy:

I remember when I was ordained in 78, remember Dr.

Randy:

Cheek praying for us, and then he looked at Lori and he said,

Randy:

I, and he started weeping.

Randy:

He said,

Randy:

I pray for you because I know that Randy will, when he faces the issues, he'll be

Randy:

able to, to kinda push them into a box.

Randy:

But,

Randy:

but our wives carry not only their own emotions about it, but

Randy:

they help carry our emotions.

Randy:

how important it is that churches also pay attention to the spouse of their

Randy:

If you agree with Randy that pastors need more support and you

Randy:

wanna help provide that support, just go to solitude place.com.

Randy:

There's a donation form on the website if you're able to give financially, and if

Randy:

you're not able to give right now, you can still sign up for their newsletter to give

Randy:

up with everything that they're doing.

Randy:

Randy and Lori have been in Ruthford County for over 10 years.

Randy:

And most of the support for their ministry still comes from Arizona.

Randy:

I want to change that.

Randy:

Let's show them that small town friendly is standing behind the work that they're

Randy:

doing By supporting this ministry, I. And hey, if you have a cabin, an

Randy:

apartment, an Airbnb, or something that you would be willing to let Solitude

Randy:

place use to provide respite care for pastors, please reach out to them

Randy:

through their website and let Randy know.

Randy:

I'll put links to their website and social media and everything else

Randy:

in the description of this episode.

Randy:

But before we wrap up, there's one more question we need to ask Randy.

mike:

If there's one message you could say to everybody in Northford

mike:

County, what would that be?

Randy:

Good community.

Randy:

I think community with other people is vital to our walk.

Randy:

And, and that's where that whole idea of Paul and Timothy But having

Randy:

a good and showing yourself to be involved in the whether it's praying

Randy:

for someone, uh, encouraging someone, Lori and I do some of the counseling.

Randy:

And help where we can.

Randy:

we can't counsel everyone the community, but having an outreach to

Randy:

the community I think is important.

Randy:

And if I was gonna say to Rutherfordton, really,

Randy:

if they would not lose what I loved when I came here, and that was a friendly hello,

Randy:

on the street, an interest in my life.

Randy:

My prayer would be that that Forest City and other places wouldn't

Randy:

lose that kind of relationship

Randy:

welcome, like I think Covid did do some damage there, but I'm hoping

Randy:

to see it come back even stronger.

Randy:

You know, I

Randy:

find

Randy:

myself on the street s saying, okay, go ahead say hello.

Randy:

You know, Kind

Randy:

of greet them.

Randy:

But I

Randy:

think it's community.

Randy:

, I love where we live.

Randy:

I love the people and there's plenty of

Randy:

lostness mm-hmm.

Randy:

we can pour ourselves

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About the Podcast

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Small Town Big God
Stories of God at work in Rutherford County

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About your host

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Mikel Collins

Children's Pastor for Element Church in Forest City, NC.